The slimy underbelly of sympathy

Sympathetic understanding has a notoriously slimy underbelly: it typically reflects a difference in the conditions of the sympathiser and the one in need of sympathy, the knower and the one whose situation calls for understanding.

Even if I know what it is like for say a parent to behave oturageously the sympathy I have for my friend  is about her loss, not mine, her unfortunate condition, not mine.