Adults who look after pre-adolescent children have to have some sense of what is in the child’s
best interests. They are, in this sense, the guardians of the children’s future or potential selves.
The very small child doesn’t know he mustn’t touch the hot cup; the older child may try touching the hot cup to find out for himself. In that sense, the older child, is experimenting:
he is finding out whether the adult’s words can be trusted,
You find out what the rules are made of by trying to break them
Rules
To begin with, you learn what it is to follow a rule, then what can be done with the whole business of following rules, what it is about rule-following that is satisfying. And who it is you are satisfying by following the rules.
St Paul talks in the Epistle to the Romans about the law entering human history ‘to increase the trespass’. ‘Where there is no law,’ he said, ‘there is no transgression’: ‘Through the law comes knowledge of sin.’ It isn’t simply that rules are made to be broken: the rules tell you that there is something to break. If there was no law it would be impossible to transgress. The rules, whatever else they are, are an invitation to find out what rules are – and an invitation to find out what kind of person you are. By being born into a society we consent to its rules, but there is never a point when we actually sit down and agree to them all.
Adolescence is the time in people’s lives when they begin to notice that there are other things you can do with the rules besides being spellbound by them. The adolescent is somebody who is trying to escape from the cult of a rule bound society.
Source: http://www.lrb.co.uk/v31/n03/adam-phillips/in-praise-of-difficult-children
best interests. They are, in this sense, the guardians of the children’s future or potential selves.
The very small child doesn’t know he mustn’t touch the hot cup; the older child may try touching the hot cup to find out for himself. In that sense, the older child, is experimenting:
he is finding out whether the adult’s words can be trusted,
- whether the adult is keeping an eye on him,
- whether the adult’s word is his bond,
- whether he can withstand the adult’s punishment, or even hatred.
You find out what the rules are made of by trying to break them
Rules
To begin with, you learn what it is to follow a rule, then what can be done with the whole business of following rules, what it is about rule-following that is satisfying. And who it is you are satisfying by following the rules.
St Paul talks in the Epistle to the Romans about the law entering human history ‘to increase the trespass’. ‘Where there is no law,’ he said, ‘there is no transgression’: ‘Through the law comes knowledge of sin.’ It isn’t simply that rules are made to be broken: the rules tell you that there is something to break. If there was no law it would be impossible to transgress. The rules, whatever else they are, are an invitation to find out what rules are – and an invitation to find out what kind of person you are. By being born into a society we consent to its rules, but there is never a point when we actually sit down and agree to them all.
Adolescence is the time in people’s lives when they begin to notice that there are other things you can do with the rules besides being spellbound by them. The adolescent is somebody who is trying to escape from the cult of a rule bound society.
Source: http://www.lrb.co.uk/v31/n03/adam-phillips/in-praise-of-difficult-children
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