How to network successfully

This is my advice and based on my own personal experience of how to
successfully network.

Ok,  Are you sitting comfortably?

You are lonely, to say the least, isolated, would be a better way of putting it.
And you know, no man is an island, so lets go, guys.

Here's something,  French conversation group.  Yeah, my French is not bad
So, how do I prepare for this, do I go out and buy myself a string of onions? Non, I do not.
Do I arrive on a bicycle? Non, I do not.

I arrive in a car that has been cleaned by my kids and hope that someone might see me arriving.
And even better ask me for a lift, well, you know the French in London don't have a sou to spend
and London underground is exorbitant.

I am in my preparation being guided by the Scout's motto 'Be prepared'.

Rules that are a must to be a successful socialiser

1. Know Where You’re Going this may seem trite, but most of the time I change my mind half way there.  So does that make me indecisive, well, yes and no.

2, Be Optimistic If you think the event will wrap up reasonably early and there’s a chance you might want to continue socialising afterward. Also check for other venues like restaurants and bars in the immediate vicinity, after all there is lot of elan, social grace (and naïve optimism)  in being able to say,
“Well, if we want to keep talking about this over drinks, I know a decent little bar around the corner."

If you are of an autistic bent you might check out one way streets in the vicinity
you don't want to look like a complete nana, driving round in circles. After all, you might strike lucky, stranger things have happened (though not many) .


3 Weather: This determines what you’ll pack in terms of outwear (as our American cousins would have it) rain protection, and so on. Don’t show up with an umbrella if the rain is only misting, you will look like an effete nerd. And remember you are out to impress. 'Cool' ever heard of the word?

4 Carry Business Cards — Plenty of Them
And why not be an officious and pretentious bastard? Everyone else is.

5 Carry a pen in fact lots of them but avoid carrying anything that’s obviously cheap, like a bendy, plastic Bic or a hotel freebie. You don't want to come across as pen fetishist nerd, or a kleptomaniac, You can get away with plastic, but it should be plain, dark plastic without any obvious logos on it. 
Is this a joke I hear you ask?

6 Dress appropriately for the occasion
For the French meet up that does not mean, beret, Salvador Dali moustache, and Comme des Garcons shoes. Non!  Just make sure you give your old brogues a good polish and shine before you go.

7 Know How You’re Getting Home (because you are sure to be on you own)
This is almost as important as getting there — and can be harder, since options tend to dwindle as the night wears on and you are profoundly depressed by your lack of 'success'.  As a result, traumatised, I mean if you a social inadequate, like me,  you might be so flummoxed by talking to other people, that you suffer an attack of cognitive dissonance (where the fuck am I?), type of feeling, and where the fuck did I park the car?

Good luck, if you don't follow this advice you should be alright.



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